Mr Mackerel is now on Facebook. You can friend him by searching for Jack Mackerel.

We haven’t checked to see whether extradimensional beings are allowed on Facebook, but we’ll just assume that such outright racism is alien to Facebook.

Mr Mackerel predicts world events (political, cultural, technological, spiritual, chicken-related, ALL that jazz) as far as 2052. He has based these predictions on an overdose of chocolate.

2010
Another small war erupts around the Caspian Sea. The Security Council condemns the aggression, but is ignored. A new online-only newspaper reveals documents that suggest the leaders of several large countries including Russia and China do not put much value in the United Nations. Other countries do not respond strongly or at all. The news site closes as quickly as it launched. It re-appears months later with a click-to-unmute 9-way video news site, losing the in-depth reporting, vast scope and personalised presentation of the original version.

2012
Sarah America wins the 2012 US elections shortly after revealing her official name change. Polls had already swung in her favour due to the crippling economic void which President Obama had to spend his entire term turning back into a flourishing state at the expense of other concerns, as well as due to Sarah America’s adoption of an African child and a popular belief that with the new economic boom and urban food riots, there is a need for a tough Christian mother, family values and howdy-neighbour-here’s-a-cabbage.

2014
China introduces chicken cloning factories. Cross-dressing becomes a wildly popular and almost global trend.

2016
Brazil hosts the 2016 Summer Olympics. A heatwave ruins the spectacle, but it is nevertheless followed by massive immigration from North America, Europe and Japan. The Winter Olympics are so rife with scandals and badly-watched that discussion arises about whether to end the tradition. Sarah America is re-elected. Australia becomes world’s largest exporter of environmental technologies and experts. Epidemic in England, suspicions raised about cause. The A-Team make their come-back on television.

2022
Dating website for disaster victims opens. E-paper quickly replaces paper publications and revolutionises advertising. Richest countries invest increasingly in the Third World, in a race to its resources.

2027
Most loved celebrity is a 14-year-old Polish kid who is filmed by a friend on hundreds of occasions where, at first, he shoots sticky plasma at obese women’s hindquarters with his ‘bumbuster’, but amazes the world when he manages to manipulate bio-implants from a distance, eliciting hilarious results. Rumours are that the pro-nature lobby is behind his exploits.

2033
A spiritual figure by the name of ‘Frolic’ gains popularity all over the Western world with his simple teachings. In the hands of the public his ideas turn into a New Religion For The People. Frolic changes to giving only comedic performances. From the sarcastic theatre and profanity of his shows emerges a plea for people to cut the noise and explore the silence.

2034
First clunky prototype of a cerebral wireless implant for family/business networks and the internet arouses customers. Googlesoft’s management problems still unresolved, but assumed too big to fail, with annual profits higher than the GDP of India.

2039
After three years of global crisis and conflicts, the United Nations finally declares that this has become World War III. No one aggressor can be pinpointed, but riots and fighting have escalated on all continents. The few relatively safe countries are closing themselves off entirely. Nuclear weapons are not used on the ground, but numerous high energy bombs are detonated in the atmosphere. Most of Earth’s population is reduced to having survival as their only priority. Food is scarce, and fuel only available to the military.

2051
Hostilities cease in most regions. Diseases and famine are still a major issue. An insane Scotsman claims that he has spent the entire war in caves and added tunnels and underground dwellings, with 130 other individuals. He publishes the livefeeds of 130 reasonably healthy-looking people.

2052
“Star Wars kid” is elected 52nd President of the United States.

Patience. Many fruit and vegetables have given their short lives to act in this story.

The downtime was caused by a different domain on the same server using a corrupt PHP script, which destabilised the rest of the server. Unfortunately this included this blog, just as we ran a story on Digg (about tongue-eating parasites) and prepared for the release of The Great Big Stew in the Sky.

The problem has been resolved (permanently, we hope). You’re here now! Enjoy your stay.

Mr. Mackerel much appreciates your visit to his blog.

I’ve only just created this domain and website for that wonderful little creature, and am open to design suggestions. Mr. Mackerel is also happy to hear from you, he would like to know what you like about his writing and what subjects you’re interested to read about, so that he can shape his writing to your tastes.

You’re invited to leave a comment, or to send an email to mrmackerel@gleefulsincerity.com.

Mice are better than rats? I do not think you can make that kind of distinction!

Hello, I’m Mr. Mackerel. I’m not a fish. I’ve been told I can pass for a fish, which is not a nice thing to say unless you’d consider dating a fish or have it polish your shoes. It turns out most people wouldn’t date a fish.

I like fish.

Yesterday I tied knots in a rainbow and it seemed to work for a while. Tell me, is it inadvisable to stand twitching and sizzling in the sun though you feel like you’re accomplishing the impossible? A young girl in pyjamas passed me by and told me I looked like a musician. I didn’t reply, because I was too busy pondering how nice it would be if there was a band of musicians called the Brotherhood of Nothing, and I could knight those melody carriers I thought fit to be part of the brotherhood, cheerfully hailing them as guardians of the people immersed. Crane birds, do they signify that such a thing is possible? They might as well!

Mr. Mackerel needs a nap. I am going to call it a French nap. It sounds better.

My thanks to “Admin”, who is going to give the reigns of this blog to me (Ed: for the most part). I like washed lettuce! It feels like limp pages of cracked paper! Candy for the ex-shoe polisher? I must assume that tomorrow I will wake up as myself once more.