NEWBURY WEEKLY NEWS John collects angry people. Paul Buxom and Eline Frohling of Newbury Weekly News subjected him to an interview.

When we visit him in his stately manor, John Elderberry, who goes by the all capital JOHN, looks surprised and confused.

Seconds later his face ripples out into a smile of relief and he takes us to a barn in his backyard.

You’d forgotten about our visit, JOHN?

“Oh no, not that. I’m simply so used to new arrivals of angry people that I wasn’t prepared for people this patient at the door. For a second there I even wondered whether it wasn’t – I – that was supposed to be the angry person.

Oh?

Yes. You see, I’m an active collector of angry people. Very active, I might say. I collect angry people with fierce voracity. And in any such enterprise it happens on occasion that one identifies too much with the wares, in effect becoming downright disagreeable. So I try to present myself as the opposite of the subject I am dealing with.

Can you tell us what it is exactly that you collect?

Of course. What I collect is angry people.

What sort of angry people do you collect? Any particular kind?

I collect all sorts of angry people, such as: overworked teachers, stressed office workers, city youth with lousy jobs, people past their prime, parents with empty bank accounts, barstool politicians, evangelical Christians, failed writers, as well as rare specimens such as an angry Buddhist monk and a truly furious market vendor of fresh produce.

How long have you been doing this? How did it ever start?

I started quite late. I’m now 54 years old and started my collection… about last Friday.

Last Friday? At what time?

That must have been around two o’clock in the afternoon.

What happened Friday around two o’clock in the afternoon?

I started my collection.

What happened previous to two o’clock in the afternoon?

I conceived the idea of collecting angry people. It seemed like a good plan, since it is original and it keeps you occupied. Additionally it has an element of excitement, other than, say, collecting stamps or Mickey Mouse figurines.

I suppose that is fair to say. Do you own mice?

No.

We know what that’s like.

You’ve never had any mice?

No, we’ve thought about it, but just never actually pursued them.

Fair enough.

Can we have a look at your collection of angry people?

Most assuredly so. That’s why I took you to my modest museum right here in this barn-like construction. If you’ll just follow me, you can see there is only 1 specimen present of every type of angry person. That way we’re preventing visitors from getting overwhelmed, or inadvertently getting accepted as a member of a group of angry people, which was common in the first days of my collection.

Do you have a warehouse for the extra people?

Oh, certainly. Of course I won’t reveal anything about that.

Where is it?

In a place where I don’t reveal that to you.

Do you trade your wares?

My wife occupies herself with that. She makes sure I’m making enough money off my hobby to afford extra or missing angry people. And also food, on occasion.

What would one pay for two very displeased chronically ill people?

You would have to ask my wife. I think you’d be looking at about 30 pounds in all. In that area.