Cure the magicians, dear people! Oh, I was eating carrots and thought of this:

Whales ‘chat’ with each other in low-frequency wailing that is inaudible to human beings, but under water these sounds can travel the entire globe. Whales, we are impressed!

Apparently, the only low-frequency sound that humans emit is the growling of peristalsis, the grumbling of the stomach and intestines.

This would suggest that we’d be able to talk to whales if we’d hold out on food for two hours, went underwater and started belly-dancing. We only need to learn their language. And someone aquatic to do the dancing.

Takers? Yours mackerelly gets too giddy when wet.